Unsolicited Commentary from Future Physician’s Husband: “So you’re like an actual adult?”

Over the last 6 months, we (okay she) started medical school, so it’s almost surprising it’s taken me this long to have commentary. Actually, the commentary has always existed, but getting married, moving, creating entirely new habits, working full-time, and trying to squeeze as much out of the limited time I have with my full-time (overtime) student wife left little free time for development.

Let’s dive in, starting with a simple definition and a complicated opinion.

Adult: A person who is fully grown or developed

To give this definition some context, the vast majority of the fellow students my wife has met in med school are younger than her, and are therefore classified by society as less life experienced than she is. She lives off-campus. She has a dog. She has a steady source of income. She’s married. She knows how she feels about most political issues. She can only sleep on the left side of the bed. She’s different than a fresh out of undergrad medical student. We knew this would be the case, but the very first evening she came home and told me that multiple conversations had effectively ended with new peers realizing to her face “So you’re like an actual adult?”

Tales of the “actual adult” among children spread throughout the class like COVID (too soon? – sorry wildfire – also too soon?) to the point where people have started realizing in front of her “Oh you’re the actual adult!” For a 5-word sentence, there’s a lot to unpack here. I’m a growth mindset person and thus believe that people aren’t restricted by predetermined factors. Just because she’s more life experienced doesn’t mean she won’t find ways to change/improve herself. (She’s perfect, she doesn’t need to change. She’s perfect.) Regardless, she’ll be the first to tell you that she has areas in which she can grow. So for people to essentially tell her “You’re the one whose life is established and won’t be developing any further” is a really odd way to make conversation when “nice to meet you” still exists.

Regardless, I want to point out the juxtaposition here. These new peers’ incredulous emphasis on the word “actual” reflects a vague unfamiliarity with the concept of being an “actual adult.” This means that they don’t consider themselves, or most of the other people they’ve met to be adults. However, these same people didn’t hesitate in amassing six-figure, student loan debt that’s legally collectable even if they don’t finish the program, and even in the event of their death. Am I the only one questioning why tens of thousands of children every year are taking out such large, dangerous contracts? Future physicians are fun.

Why become a doctor?

At its most basic form, “doctor” literally translates to “one who docs,” and “doc-” is the latin base for “to teach” like how a document is meant to teach. At some point, western language/medicine must have morphed the doctor’s role from teaching to treating. However, doctors and teachers do have something in common. Their career paths should not be taken for the money. *Grabs soapbox. Places it on ground in front. Steps up.*

It’s infuriating to hear people say that doctors are only in it for the money. Every prospective doctor walks into medical school with hope, and walks away with six-figure debt and an MD, or six-figure debt and life’s wisdom, or just six-figure debt. Additionally, they have just sunk at least four years of their lives into accruing debt instead of making money. If they’ve received their MD, they are required to find a job somewhere (and it could be literally anywhere) for at least three years. Here, they are paid minimum wage and are expected to start paying off their loans using the first paycheck many of them have ever earned. On average, eight years have passed since they started this journey, and they’re still in major debt. Residency is over, which means they can either find a job as an attending, or find a fellowship for another 2 years that still pays minimum wage. Taking a fellowship leads to the highest profile, highest paying jobs, but by this point, a 34 year-old who’s spent the last 12 years of their life flipping burgers part-time likely has more capital than a 34 year-old resident-fellow. All this is to say, if you’re trying to make money, don’t get an MD, work at Wendy’s.

Then there’s this: According to the American Medical Association, 42% of all doctor’s experienced burnout in 2021. Like the best of us, doctor’s choose their career out of passion.

*Steps down*

Closing

There is so much more that can be analyzed in the life of a future doctor’s husband. For instance, where is the love for the one bearing the financial burden? Certainly he must be an “actual adult” as well?

However, until the next installment, there will be a special release titled “What do I do when my toilet is erupting main line sewage into my kitchen and my property manager is apathetic?” This will either be followed by or will include another feature called: “Help, the fourth floor is flooded and the building next-door is on fire!”

Until next time, thank you so much for reading!